No stitches, just platelets and will power
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
His nipple licking is glorious
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
