he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
