clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
