Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
