i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
