I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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