if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
