i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
