I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
3 2 1 whiskey
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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