Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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