Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
