Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he was CRYING into my vagina
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
