He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
