I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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