Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I think i got beer on your cat.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
