I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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