i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
