Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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