The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
