dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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