My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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