If i come over, it means nothing
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
