i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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