You can't motorboat a personality
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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