If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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