i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
