you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
