Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We had to coat check the pizza.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
