Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
