You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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