we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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