On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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