I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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