It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
