I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
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I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
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I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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