ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.