I have demons in me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?