Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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