My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
