Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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