Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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