my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We are two peas in an std pod
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
