Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
