Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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