Kiss
Puke
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
