He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
