just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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