i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
