There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
