Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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