Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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