Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
