considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
