I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
