He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
