it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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