Can Purell be used as lube?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
