I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
