Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So here I am, sexting at work.
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