i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
