Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
