we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I have post one night stand depression
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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