So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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