she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
