worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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