we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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