The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
