airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
