if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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