By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
