Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
