There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
The air taste purple.
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