He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize