I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this beer tastes like vomit already
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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