bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
