You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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