Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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