The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
