I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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