So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
