you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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