sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
