I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
