i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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