Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
